This week

This past week I had sort of a whirlwind that brought me to a realization that I think is blog worthy...

So, here's the short story... On Tuesday, I interviewed for a job as a school social worker. I had learned of the job and decided to put my resume in and see what happened. In the mean time, I was not even sure if I wanted to go back to work full time or not, but a school job is a highly desired position so I thought I would go for it. Anyway, I left my less than 15 minute interview POSITIVE that I had blown the whole thing. It was quick and to the point, and I just felt like I was not a serious candidate, that they did not like me etc. I critiqued the whole interview and focused on what I should have said, could have done... Well, I got home and over the next two days I felt depressed useless, and disengaged with my family. I felt alone and sad. It showed in our family life, big time- the kids were cranky, the house a mess, patience was low...

Fast forward to Thursday, I got a call and was offered the job and accepted! Surprise to me, and wow what a blessing the job is- tons of time off, short hours, super close to home, great benefits, fantastic pay- so I was soaring! We went for a long walk, to the Krows Nest to play, and basically was at the opposite extreme as the previous couple days.

As excited as I am about this upcoming change, I am disappointed in myself. In my 20/20 hindsight, I see that I allowed my self worth and joy, and the way I treat others to rest in circumstance, in others' perception of me, and in pretty much anything other than God's views of me regardless of what's going on in life. While I know that many might say this is "normal", and "allowed", and that might even be the advice I would give, here is the realization I came to
I need to trust not only that God has a plan laid out before us, and that regardless of how we get there he has gone before us, and worked it out. And, that my self esteem should not be so dependent on earthy approval , professional successes, or whatever the circumstance may be. So, next time I try to remember that.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well Psalm 139:14