Sometimes It's The Little Things....

That get you though "the blahs", which I am experiencing now...

This devotional, by Melanie Chitwood, for days when real life trumps the fairy tale:
Proverbs 31 Ministries

The "BIG BRUSH" which has helped me understand Great Lash Mascara's cult following:

My nightly laugh via this box set:



The report of my Pre-K boy telling his teacher his day was "phenomenal".

And, this face:
which melts me even on the most challenging of exhausted-two-year-old moments.

Thirty Days Hath September...

It's here, and it came fast.
Time to go back to school/work.

This year is particularly gut wrenching for me. My big boy starts pre-k, full day, 5 days- the real thing. It's through the school district, and even though it's not the first time we will be separated, it's resonating as very bittersweet for me.
From my talks with other moms, I am not alone here.

I mean, he needs a full sized backpack. There's nothing full sized about him.

We attended our first parent meeting, and though I am not a super sappy type I was tearing up left and right. It's the nagging sensation that my babies are not babies anymore.
I have no choice but to let go a little, and let my boy take his first step out into the world.
Yet in letting go, I am thinking, wondering...

"Will he make friends easily, or be shy?"

"Will he remember not to pick his nose?"

"Will he stay as excited about learning as he his now?"

"Will his potty aim improve?"

"Will his teacher see just how special he is?"

During the baby stage, there were times where I felt like it would last forever. Now, what others say about the time going so fast and taking time to enjoy them is ringing in my ears, along with Keith Urban singing "as days go by, I can feel them flying like a hand out the window in the wind..."

No Sleep

Pinkeye

Sick Kids

Corneal abrasion
Trust me, you don't want an image.

Bad work week (a couple, actually)


=An exhausted, discouraged me, and explains my lack of inspired blogging this week.

Thankfully, I have these two faces



And this man

Sealed with this promise


To know this is just a season.

The Way Out of a Funk

Sometimes, I get into "funks".
Anyone else??? (please say yes, please say yes...)
I get into a series of days where I feel just so BLAH . Then, usually it passes and things are normal again.

Usually, an upsetting event triggers it. Sometimes, an argument with a family memeber, others a situation at work that's bothering me. It's the middle child/peacemaker/perfectionist in me, I suppose.

This time, my Ipod being stolen from my car was it. (Oh, and did I mention it's the second one this year?) I barely had time to get attached to it.

**SIGH**, some criminal out the hopefully has discovered Christian and country music is not so bad.

So, I thought it was a good idea to focus on the things I like right now. The things that make me smile, even if some are superficial. (-:

My new earrings


Pictures from my 30th Birthday Party



Old Faithful


My Hubby, who rather than get annoyed with my when I am in my funks, tries hard to make me happy


Laura Mercer Mascara (if I feel fat, my eyelashes may as well be, too)

"Ladybug, Where Are You" (Zachary is constantly in search of a ladybug, or "Aye-ee-ugggg", and he gets too distracted by the video camera to show us his live cuteness)


I already feel better.

Am I Out of Ideas?

I feel I have reached a bit of a writers block...

Work has been stressful

The house has been messy

The kids have been handfuls

We have been busy!!


I have not been shopping much, I have not been Internet surfing much, frankly I have been in a bit of a funk....



I am currently reading



On Strike for Christmas
by Sheila Roberts (review to follow)












Self Magazine, November 2009 (p.s. - magazines at Sam's Club are 30% off or more everyday...)















I am currently loving





Aquaphor (lip saver, dry skin healer, little bum soother + more...)










Revlon Colorstay Liquid Liner in Bronzed Brown











Skinny Cow Chocolate Truffle Bars












70 degree November days that involve using the hose...











I am currently laughing at:


Zachary's hair











Adam response when asked "what do you want to be when you grow up".... "Um, Adam Vinkle" (so far I have no doubt in my mind that my son will always be who he is...)

Sick Kids Are No Fun

We battled sickness all last week.
Zachary got it worse than Adam, but they both had it.

The fever, the cough, the ear infection the respiratory issues... all horrible.
Seeing your baby look at you with unfamiliar eyes, ones that have a glaze and dark circles beneath- ugh. And to have your usual little firecracker and not able to pick their head off the pillow, despite their most favorite episode of Elmo playing (see photo below below).

Makes my heart and prayers go out to those mother's of sick children. The pain must be unbearable.

Finally, the blue eyes I love are back. That spark of mischief and iron will have returned. All those things that make my baby my baby are back.

Working Mom Woes

So, I am struggling. This may not be the happy-go-lucky post you all know and love (-:
Maybe I will post a cute pic to lighten it up.
Here:


I am glad I have writing as an outlet. I do not want to stress my husband out by making him think I want to quit my job. I do not want to quit my job beacuse I enjoy it. I enjoy the work, I enjoy the adult time, I enjoy not having to wonder if ends will meet. More importantly, I feel I am where God wants to use me. I feel he is using me as a light in the lives of some kids who have so little.
But, I cannot get past the bottom line. I miss my kids. I feel like I am not giving them all I should. Our nights are hard. Two kids who have been stimulated all day at daycare and have just gotten a so-so nap usually add up to pretty grumpy and challening little guys for the evening. So, naturally, no parent wants to feel that the time they have with their kids is a struggle. But, frankly, lately it has been much of the time. Plus, the nature of my work involves a LOT of needy children, so I am stretched thin.
I am certainly not complaining, just expressing. We are blessed beyond what I ever expected. Just pray that we get situated here and more into the "swing of things". It will get better. Then, summer will come again... can't wait.

Well, It's Here...

The "mommy guilt' has set in.
Going back to work has been hard on me, and seems to be a little hard on the boys too, mostly Zachary.
While I know that there is nothing wrong with having a career, the truth is I miss the kids! A lot! And, it's pretty clear at the end of the day they miss me too. Adam tells me, Zachary clings to me.
So, readers, if you are out there say a quick prayer for this mommy, I miss my babies!!


(Oh, and P.S. readers... leave a comment once in a while! (-: )

Here

Anywhere but here... the grass is greener on the other side.... Explore the possibilities...
Every time we travel, thoughts of a move come up and are discussed. Are we missing out? Now is the time! Here it's just the same old, same old...LET'S GO!!
But, walking through the door of home at each return feels like just that... HOME. Ahhhh...
I just want to express my gratitude for family. I've been known to occasionally express frustrations, annoyances, and displeasure with the extreme locality of my entire immediate family. However, truth be told, I don't know how we'd do it without them. Thier love for my kids is almost as great as ours. All the extra hugs, nights out, support, hands to dress, feed, and play with the kids, (oh,and of course, delivered dinner and Tim Horton's coffees) have made parenting much easier and manageable for us.
Currently, I have been needing some help around the house. And, of course, the family is willing to jump right in and take over. But, it's not just babysitting. It's trips to the Fair and Fantasy Island, fun bath time, visits to other family members. Above and beyond. So much love for my boys. Never a second thought about the safety of my kids. So many sacrifices for my family.
So, here I am expressing my appreciation. And being thankful. We have what so many long for. In wholesale size, at times, but we are blessed.
So, while the grass may be greener on the other side, it's still just as hard to mow...

Hospital Stays and PRK

My apologies for a week away... but let me update.
Monday night Paul was not feeling well and neither was I. I figured it was a flu bug, as Adam had also shown some symptoms in the previous days. So, we just planned to ride it out.
So, Tuesday comes, Paul is home from work, and I was feeling fine. The kids and I went off on our walk and trip to the splash park, hoping to give Paul some quiet and rest. Upon return, Paul was calling for me in pain and asking for an ambulance. Now, my husband is not a wuss when it comes to pain, and let me just tell you he was in BAD shape! Ambulance came, and took him to the hospital talking of appendicitis. I quick got a sitter and got to his side. To smush 10 hours of waiting and tests into a sentence, it was an infection of the bowel requiring admission to the hospital for IV antibiotics and observations. There was talk of Crone's Disease, an autoimmune disorder that affects digestion, among other things. Follow up will provide answers. The pain subsided as the treatment ensued. He was released and is now doing fine.
I must say though, a lot of fears came to the surface seeing him that way, and even though I was trying to trust in the Lord, I found myself petrified of the worst. Thankfully, once again God has been good to us... I can't even start to think about life without Paul.
During this time, I went forward with my laser eye surgery. I opted to have PRK (photorefractive keratectomy, a laser surgery that does not involve cutting a flap on the cornea, but rather resurfacing the eye skin cells, lasering it, and allowing the skin cells to regenerate)instead of the IntraLasik. My insurance would fully cover the PRK, but not any of the other. A no-brainier. But, the PRK is a tougher recovery, with more pain and vision not as quickly restored, but overall it's safer and more effective, as per research. But, it's over, and here 4 days out I can see enough without glasses to type this. Extreme makeover phase one complete (I will explain more on that later.)
For anyone who is interested in watching the procedure (not mine), here is a link to youtube. This is not for the eyeball weary.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NpTXQOcee40

Where to Draw the Line

Tonight we went car shopping. This is not my favorite form of shopping by any means. But, we've been toying with the idea of a new vehicle for a while now. Our van has been a "bad experience" for us. So, off we drove to test drive and decide...we liked what we saw, but it looks like the decision is to keep what we have and make it work.

That leaves us with a feeling mixed with relief and discontent.

So, here I am wondering how to stay in a content way. How to look at what we have with a feeling of satisfaction and pride, not one of frustration and disproportionate entitlement.

We are blessed, I know it... but why will it take a shiny new vehicle or new house to make me feel it truly?

I know I am not alone in this web of materialism, always wanting more, the next best thing, or what The Jones' just got.

Guess we'll keep working on it, all while we're driving our base model Ford van (that's kinda stinky)!!

This week

This past week I had sort of a whirlwind that brought me to a realization that I think is blog worthy...

So, here's the short story... On Tuesday, I interviewed for a job as a school social worker. I had learned of the job and decided to put my resume in and see what happened. In the mean time, I was not even sure if I wanted to go back to work full time or not, but a school job is a highly desired position so I thought I would go for it. Anyway, I left my less than 15 minute interview POSITIVE that I had blown the whole thing. It was quick and to the point, and I just felt like I was not a serious candidate, that they did not like me etc. I critiqued the whole interview and focused on what I should have said, could have done... Well, I got home and over the next two days I felt depressed useless, and disengaged with my family. I felt alone and sad. It showed in our family life, big time- the kids were cranky, the house a mess, patience was low...

Fast forward to Thursday, I got a call and was offered the job and accepted! Surprise to me, and wow what a blessing the job is- tons of time off, short hours, super close to home, great benefits, fantastic pay- so I was soaring! We went for a long walk, to the Krows Nest to play, and basically was at the opposite extreme as the previous couple days.

As excited as I am about this upcoming change, I am disappointed in myself. In my 20/20 hindsight, I see that I allowed my self worth and joy, and the way I treat others to rest in circumstance, in others' perception of me, and in pretty much anything other than God's views of me regardless of what's going on in life. While I know that many might say this is "normal", and "allowed", and that might even be the advice I would give, here is the realization I came to
I need to trust not only that God has a plan laid out before us, and that regardless of how we get there he has gone before us, and worked it out. And, that my self esteem should not be so dependent on earthy approval , professional successes, or whatever the circumstance may be. So, next time I try to remember that.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well Psalm 139:14