ABC's... not as easy as 1,2,3,...

Did I ever tell you about the time I saw my son Adam licking, yes licking, the shopping cart in Tops? Probably not, because I usually like my blog readers to smile, not barf, when they look at my blog. But, yes, that's one example of some things my son does that help him cope with whatever sensory overload is going on at the moment. My level of fury regarding this incident made me realize something... I was as much a part of this problem. I had the realization that I needed to be more accepting of my child. There is a reason he does his quirky things. The licking, the ears covered for no reason, the meltdowns over food- they are all a part of him. While sometimes it drives me nuts, I need to accept him for who he is and be fair to him. Since I have retrained my thoughts, it's amazing how much more compassionate I am towards him.
That's why I liked this little cute print I saw on etsy.com (cute, if you've never explored it). I found it to be way more useful than any 1,000 page "do it this way" parenting book. Simple, refreshing, and real.

I Ate My Words, But Not My Breakfast

"If you keep it up we're leaving", or "one more time we're going home"... I've said it, you've said it, we're all heard it... and known without a doubt it was an empty threat. It's tough to leave that full cart of groceries, a fun visit with friends, or that cute top that's an extra 40% off the already reduced price, but needs to be tried on first.

Our sunny July morning consisted of two boys in their oversized tee shirts watching Diego, waiting for Grandpy to get her to take us to The Marketside, a great breakfast place nearby. Getting ready is pretty much a science around here. Ten months out of the year we are out the door by 8 am, so we have a pretty good system. Today was status quo, clothes, shoes, wash up, brush teeth.
Today, for some unknown reason, I saw toothpaste bits fly through the air, due to my son flicking his toothbrush teeth. I try to implement my 1-2-3 Magic parenting skills that I usually forget.. .and start with a "that's one", and child friendly explanation for this new behavior. I say "Adam, that's one. Don't do that, that's not how we brush our teeth, you're making a mess".
He looks at me, and does it again. "That's two , one more time and we won't be going to breakfast". Sure enough, again toothpaste splatters. I simply say "that's three..ok, we won't be going".
Enter tears, wails, pleas, promises to follow directions, whys, and even a few comments from my sons 5 year old mouth that enforce my decision even further.
I saw my opportunity. As much as I could taste my pancakes, I needed to take the opportunity to follow through. So I did, and off went the 3 year old with Grandpy for breakfast.
Truth be told: As much as I hated to to it, I felt liberated. I did it. I followed through, stayed strong, and kept my word. I always remember my mom being really good at this part of parenting, if she said it was or was not going to happen, she stuck with it. I learned more from that than any spanking I ever got... bad grades=no ____(enter favorite thing)_____... and that was it...
I think my son was pretty surprised. You had better believe it was an excellent day for him after this...all day he was mindful and making good choices.
So, that oatmeal and fruit I wound up turned out to be not so bad after all...

Can Someone Get Me An Easy Button for Explaining Easter???

Christmas.. Jesus' birthday. Born as a baby in a manger. Wise men visited, gave gifts. Kids get that pretty good, even with the whole Santa debacle. At least you can tie in the gifts to Jesus' birthday while still doing the whole Santa thing.

Easter... It's just darn hard to explain And I am a horrible explainer, and love opportunity to say "because I said so". There has been a lot of excitement around her derived from school parties and candy overload... about the Easter Bunny and Easter candy. I love the Easter Bunny and am not opposed to that fun, but as we know this holiday is the holiday that defines it all.
Since last year, they for sure do not remember our conversations about the real meaning of Easter. I am not sure they "got it" then, or would "get it" now, but I tried. Here's how it went:
Me: Hey Adam, did you know that Easter is about Jesus and that he died for our sins and is alive again"?
Adam: Mom, don't you think Jesus, Noah, and God look alike? They are the same, except Jesus did not put the animals on the ark". (me, condsidering if now was the time to get into the Trinity... nah...)
Zachary "I'm hungry"
Me: "Yes Adam, they do. Did you know that Easter is here for us to celebrate Jesus rising from the grave after he died on the cross for our sins, like what we read in the Bible?"
Adam: "Well, that sounds tricky"
Me: "Yes, it was, God helped him"
Adam: "Hmmm, I wonder who would win, Jesus, God, or a pirate"
Me: "Jesus"***SIGH***
Enter Veggie Tales "Twas the Night Before Easter".... it will leave you singing "When I think about Easter, I think about God's love...", and is unapologetically Christian and kid friendly, all while diving into the real meaning of Easter.

Happy Birthday to the sweetest blue-eyed boy I know...the one who keeps us on our toes, and always laughing.

2008

2009

2010

Today

A Job Nothing Can Prepare You For- Happy Mother's Day!

Being a mom is something I always wanted. Even as a kid, I knew motherhood was in my cards in one way or another. One thing I did not anticipate: IT"S HARD! Hard in a fulfilling and welcoming kind of way.... but hard.
I have not read this yet, but the title "I Was a Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids" by Trisha Ashworth always elicits a chuckle for me. In my first 3 years of foster care work, I was a case manager working with seasoned foster parents and usually mothers of their own grown children. I would work with them on behavior management and how to handle the parenting woes of kids in foster care. I was "well trained" in Common Sense Parenting and MAPP Foster Care Curriculum, and had a practical parenting tip for all situations. I would be empathetic to their needs, in a very textbook kind of way. I wish I could go back and give "young me" some advice- to not give advice. There is truly no way to know what it's like until you've been there. For me, I am sure the foster parents appreciated me trying hard, but really... there is no textbook for this job!
Here is me four years ago:
- if they won't sleep, let them cry it out
- if you say no stick to it no matter what
- kids don't get to ask "why" when told to do something
- no spanking
- no junk food!

Here is me 2 kids later:
- 2 kids in our bed just about every night at one point or another , lots of cuddling. I never had the will to let them cry it out. I'm not ashamed or sorry about this one!
- Trying hard to stick to what I say, but knowing my kids well enough to know when they are exhausted or not feeling well and need compassion not stern discipline.
- Actually enjoying explaining "why" questions because of the adorableness of the curiosity behind it
- A little spank on the behind never hurt anyone!
- Mostly fruit, veggies and lean meats, but treats are commonplace around here!

And, I love it.

Moms of toddlers, close your eyes and imagine with me... you are gazing at your adorable baby as he/she sleeps peacefully. He stirs, eyes open. You say "good morning", he replies "NO". You say, "ready to go downstairs?", he says "NO". While playing alone in the dining room I hear "NO NO NO!" to no one or nothing in particular.
"No! Downstairs"
"No No! I outside"
"No NO NO Diaper"

Do you see a theme here?

I feel like a rookie here. I do not remember this the first time around. The thoughts "he's lucky he's cute", and "I am not sure I will make it though this" are often.

Here's an article from Parents magazine, it gives some good info and reminders. Why Toddlers Always Say "No!": Focus on the Positive As parents, we usually know what we should be doing, such as giving small choices, rewards,follow through on consequences and reframes, but sometimes we need reminders. I said to Paul, "I think Zachary said "no" 300 times today.". Then, as I thought about it, I wonder how many times I said "no" to him. Imitation is flattery, RIGHT? Ugh.


Can't you just see the mischief under that hair?

5 Steps or Less!

To handling a "terrible two's" tantrum!

Disclaimer: This opinion is not coming from an expert. Just a highly imperfect mom who has a strong willed child doing this- all the time.

1. Try not to get angry. Stay calm. If possible, ignore the beginning of a tantrum and it might stop once they realize you are not watching.

2. Recognize and acknowledge the frustration your child is having. Even if it is over wanting "I-CEAM" and throwing oneself on the floor if there isn't any, or their desire to play in their tomato soup rather than eat it. They still have a limited ability to express themselves with words.

3. Remove child from situation (yes, it hurts to leave that full grocery cart, I know.) Paul and I had to scoop Zachary up off the floor 3/4 of the way though Sesame Street Live last week and leave. It was not ideal, but necessary.

4. Provide a safe, calm time away spot (we use the stairs at home, or at times just a hug/hold to help the calming process) and teach another skill. Ours lately has been "show me how you wait" then model sitting down, folding hands etc...

5. Laugh later with someone. "Did you see how he stomped away then threw himself on the ground? Man that's some will..... Did you see that fake crying? Where would he have learned that? "

Sunday Sentiment

While I am not a professional photographer by any stretch of the imagination, every now and then I capture a lucky moment that melts me. Here is one I got the other day.
This is my best friends' son JJ and my son Adam.
JJ is very special to me.
Our two baby boys... neither a baby anymore but both of them are forever our first look/taste/smell of the joy and anticipation of motherhood... captured here as true boys.

Shout Outs

While sitting in the ever pleasant OB's office, I actually had time to sit and read a magazine article titled 6 Friends Every Mom Needs in August 2009's Parenting Magazine, one of the few parenting themed magazines I do not get in the mail. :


I immediately started thinking- do i have these? Who are they? Well, after some thought here you go! (oh, and pardon any lowercase "i's" you might come across, I have a sticky shift button and limited editing time).

The Mom in the Same Boat- This award goes out to my "BFF", of course- Tara. She's a mom of 3... and her two youngest are the same ages (one three months difference, one 6 days difference) as my boys. So, needless to say even from a distance we can not only usually finish my sentences, but they end in a unison "I KNOW!!" Some of this just comes from our 20 years of friendship (holy crap! we're getting old!), but seriously whether it's through texting, email, or talking... without her and what we share as moms and friends my life would not be the same! Honorable mention here, Nicole. She's a fantastic mom, one of the best listeners I know, and one of those people who as time flies by is now shifting into an old friend... I like that.
The No-Kids Pal I distinctly remember praying to the Lord when I was starting my job at Niagara Street School last year. I remember asking "please Lord, give me one friend in my boat. One who understands...etc, etc.". I guess I envisioned a 20- something mom chasing little ones at home, fighting the guilt complex and full time working mom exhaustion. Little did I know that God had Amanda in mind- a newlywed with no kids and no plans for them at the moment. With this new found friendship comes adult conversations that don't come round robin to whose kid poops more or who was up during the night. She has a cool car not jammed with car seats and kid junk, and I get invitations to massages and cool conferences out of town rather than play dates at Chuck-E-Cheese. But, more than anything she's a good friend who helps me connect on a level that does not involve the kids! P.S.- don't get my wrong, she loves my kids ( I mean c'mon... they are charmers), and I love Chuck-E-Cheese.
The Been-There, Done-That Mom- Amy, whose youngest is older than my oldest. She and her hubby Eric, are parents of 3 boys. They have been married over 10 years, and their two oldest are entering their pre-teen years. Often, when talking to Amy, I feel like she and Eric are like me and Paul, just 6 or 7 years ahead. When talking about my little ones, Amy will often empathize, remember, and relate to those toddler dilemmas I face daily. She also gives some pretty good previews on what to look forward to! Although we don't always get a chance to hang out, I always LOVE our conversations!
The I'll-Do-Anything-For-You Buddy How does that expression go... "a son is a son until he takes a wife, but a daughter is a daughter all her life"... Well, there you go. My mom takes the cake here. Need advice- ask mom, need a garage sale buddy- ask mom, need a sitter- ask mom, need taxes done- ask mom, need a great cup of coffee- mom again...and the list could go on and on... My mom loves my family like no one else does. Her love for my boys is second only to ours... Plus, she's a great friend- trustworthy, objective, and truthful.
The Slightly Glam Girlfriend- Top honors here got to my girl, Jill. Blonde, fearless, funny (and my dog loves her and has been known to even try to bust in on her in the shower). Jill who moves around the country to cool places, works at well known companies, travels north and south, and is just plain cool. In fact, she's about to move again soon, somewhere cool for sure....maybe Buffalo? And, I think slightly glam suits Jill... anyone who knows her will laugh right now... she's half glam, half Sunday football waving a Terrible Towel doing chest bumps with her hubby Steve.
The Brutally Honest Pal- sister and pal go hand in hand once you're past those brutal teen years. I can always count on both my sisters, Sarah and Eileen to tell me anything from if there is a booger in my nose or if my muffin top is obvious... and even more significant things such as if I was a little harsh or missed the mark somewhere in my usually impeccable social skills (lol). I can also throw out an honorable mention to my dear hubby here... with him I will never have the opportunity to leave the house in anything unflattering. He always tells me. And, and long as he keeps telling me when he thinks I look nice too, it will be more than appreciated.

Sick Kids Are No Fun

We battled sickness all last week.
Zachary got it worse than Adam, but they both had it.

The fever, the cough, the ear infection the respiratory issues... all horrible.
Seeing your baby look at you with unfamiliar eyes, ones that have a glaze and dark circles beneath- ugh. And to have your usual little firecracker and not able to pick their head off the pillow, despite their most favorite episode of Elmo playing (see photo below below).

Makes my heart and prayers go out to those mother's of sick children. The pain must be unbearable.

Finally, the blue eyes I love are back. That spark of mischief and iron will have returned. All those things that make my baby my baby are back.

My Snuggle Muffin

More and more I hear from parents of grown children "enjoy them, it goes so fast", "time flies", "there will come a day where getting a hug is a battle", "I miss mine when they were that small"... etc etc... I always feel a pang, I know it's true, it's happening.
Lately, Adam has had this thing about asking to lay on us when he falls asleep. So, of course we say yes. I could not help but reminisce about the many times we cuddled this same way when he was an infant. With his head on my chest his little feet would stretch to my belly button, max. I noticed that now, those same little feet stretched full length hit my shins. That's right folks, my baby is growing up. Both of them, in fact.
With school starting again soon, and the impending feeling that life is about to be put on fast forward, I have this sense that these moments are slipping away...and I am heeding to the advice of those older and wiser, and ENJOYING them.

Classic first time mom pose July 2006

What Am I Going to Do With Him??

Ahhhh, Zachary.....
When he was born, I held him amazed at how quiet, calm, and peaceful he was. From the first moment, he was at ease in my arms, sweet as can be, cute as a button. Paul and I would forget he was in the pack and play for a minute because he was so content to lay there.
Today, he is still sweet as can be and cute as a button. All other bets are off.
So, like any doting parent, I embraced his craziness, laugh a lot, and try to catch him in action if safety allows for it!
Here are some of his shenanigans I've observed lately:

A Comforting Tongue

A comforting tongue is a tree of life, but a twisted tongue is a crushing of the spirit. Proverbs 15:4
To preface, I was a HIGHLY sensitive child. So much so that I would "tape" (yes, that's what we did before DVR's) commercials from the Christian Children's Fund of the poor African children, distended bellies and sunken in faces, and gather my parents in front of the TV and beg them to help. I mean c'mon, it was just 79 cents a day!!
This blog will be hard to write, because some of the feelings behind it are hard to explain. But, I will do my best.
Tonight, as some words I wish did not escape my lips were said, I was reminded of a commitment I made when Adam was born. I vowed not to ever crush his spirit. To allow him to be free to be himself, never rejected, at ease with who he is, unbroken...
When Zachary was born, I remembered this for him as well. I remember times as a kid being so hurt by words. I was chubby, insecure, and sort of awkward. My parents, teachers, peers never meant to hurt... I have a sensitive spirit, and believe my boys do to. I have toughened up significantly since those days, but still tend to get easily hurt. So, at times when I am frustrated, irritated, or just being human, I want to choose my words, and explain my purpose. I want to discipline effectively, get my point across, but not crush their spirits. I never want them to walk away from me, lip trembling, hurt deeply by an angry word. Some schools of thought take on the "you're the parent, they're the child" philosophy, or the "they don't need an explanation, just tell them what to do" idea... all those are fine for some, but like I said, I see in my boys' eyes me as a child, and I want them to always feel joy and security. I want the praise that I give them to lift their spirit. I have two distinctly different little boys who are going to need a unique approach.
Will I screw up? Yes, I have and am sure will again.
But,I want them to always know that while they have imperfections, that in their Heavenly Father's eyes, and ours, they are as intended. So, Lord help me to meet their needs and prepare them to be men who are sensitive, confident, and without a doubt loved and supported.

Another look...

I do love to see how similar/different my boys are at the same age. Here are photos from the 14 month age... I love how from the start, they were so unique and how very different they are! You can even see in the photos,

Adam is more subtle in his smile, but clearly having fun and waiting for the next thing to try!
And Zachary is more full on, huge smile, let's get busy and stay that way!
Those are my boys!

Mother's Day!

Happy belated Mother's Day to all you hardworking mommy's out there, and all you dad's who support them!

We had a very nice day! Relaxing on my end. Paul gave me a gift certificate to a great local spa- I may get my first facial ever! And, much to my suprise I also got a cool lip gloss that I had been hemming and hawing over buying. Adam made me a beautiful hair clip, and Zachary personalized a flower pot for me.
But, what really mattered to me was being home with nothing to do except hang with the family. That truly is my favorite thing to to (don't get me wrong, I need my breaks too, but being a full time working mom I do cherish my time for just hanging out with my family.)

It's so weird to think that less than 3 years ago I did not have any children yet. I ofren wonder, "what did I do with my time" "what brought me the ongoing joy?", and "why did I ever say I was tired or busy"? I feel like God has really blessed us, really rolled out the red carpet on our lives- we are blessed and thankful!

First Birthday

My baby is one today.
So much has changed in the last year for our family.... new baby, new jobs, new way of life.
I love our life, and am grateful to have my precious family with me at every turn.
As an additional blessing, we were able to dedicate Zachary to the Lord today, committing in front or our family (both blood and church families) to raise him to know and believe in Jesus.
Happy Birthday Zachary!

Unexpected joy!

Something that I have noticed lately as Adam is closer to turning three is that he is starting to make some little friends. He has always played well with others, but now he has actual little buddies that he laughs with and can name.
It's such a blessing to have him come home from school and talk about Ty, Derek, Jimmy, and Julie... and also tell me that Hannah had to go in time out, and that Mia went potty. When I see Adam and Selah, his BFF since infancny, playing and loving each other, I am blessed.
This may seem like an insignificant thing to some, but to me this is such an exciting thing!! Though sometimes I feel sad that my boys are growing so fast, I always prayed that they would make friends easily, and it looks like it's starting!

Who's who... an 11 month comparison

While I try not to compare the boys, here are some pictures at about the 11 month mark of each of them.
Zachary took his first steps today... a baby no more, but still MY baby.
Take a guess... it's not too hard, but I had to black and white them because their eyes are so different.
1.
2.
3.
4.

My World...