The thing about clichés... they're usually true.

Cliche- Noun: something that has become overly familiar or commonplace, and therefore loses its meaning.
It's never fun to hear the same thing over and over again, like when you have a newborn who is up and eating every hour and someone says "enjoy this now, they grow up so fast". During those moments, you may think to yourself-"anytime now will be fine. I want to SLEEP". Someone else may say "hug your kids while you can", while one is stuck to your leg and the other is hanging off your neck. In that moment you'd kill for a day to not be touched constantly from morning until night. And of course, there's the "one day you'll miss this", just after you get that mega-tantrum under control that about 30 people just witnessed at Target.
And of course, there's the one, that I actually love- "the days are long, but the years are short"....which hits you hardest the day your baby starts kindergarden. All you can think is "they grow up so fast", or "man, I'm going to miss this".
You take your baby to school (5 is a weird big kid but still a baby mix), walk them to their seat, and desperately want to pull the teacher aside and tell them how special your child is.
I mean,I realize there's 20 great kids, but mine is especially funny, smart, sweet, loving.... don't you think????
But, you know you can't be that parent.
Maybe I'll just throw a detailed note in his bag tomorrow...

Ready to go!

Shoot...I Had "That Moment"

Being alone in my car caught found me in a vulnerable, teary place the other day.
I, like many other moms, experience many moments on a daily basis where I feel overwhelmed, like I just can't manage all that I need to do to make things run smooth with the many responsibilities at hand. Usually I am multitasking, and not stopping to really dwell on things- it's just on to the next thing. Yesterday I had that moment where I did stop, you know- where it all hits you and once and you're a blubbering idiot for about 15 minutes? Even when you know why it's happening, it still catches you when you least expect it.
Getting a pink slip the day after being awarded tenure (not a total shock, but still...when you're the type of person whose had a job since you were 15 it's kind of a big deal), the end of the school year that now includes leaving "my kids" at school for good, and Adam's pre-k graduation combined with choices to be made for the future,is enough to make anyone a little emotionally fragile.
Especially when your Pandora Radio station chooses to sabotage you with the lyrics "you're gonna miss this... you're gonna want this back... you're going to wish these days hadn't gone by so fast..." Trace Adkins can really tell a nice story when he's not singing about Honkey Tonk Badonkadonks..I'd recommend purchasing it on iTunes. A little Fresh Prince and DJ JAzzy Jeff- "Summertime" would have been nice, geesh. (yup, I went from Trace Adkins to Fresh Prince in the same paragraph, bet you don't see that everyday)

 

All year I have had moments where I have felt like my work at the school was futile. Trying so hard to make even a small difference for kids who are in really tough situations. Helping them manage anger, make better choices, and learn to be safe. Sometimes just providing them a smile, hug, or a simple word of encouragement when the textbook stuff fails miserably. I can hope, but realize that it may not change what the reality is. Sure, I had moments of triumph, where that kid who seemed unreachable responded, even sought out help. I'll take it- the whole "save the world" idea was gone for me about 3 years into this field, for me now it's about small steps and focusing on this moment. Still though, even knowing the the elimination of my position was purely budget- not performance- related still can have its impact on the ego.
But, for as much as I let myself wonder cognitively, my heart knows that I was there for a reason for all of it. I will let it be for now. Sure, I may get called back, but there also may be a whole new door opening. So, while I know I may miss this, I also know this...
"And we know that for those who love God, that is, for those who are called according to his purpose, all things are working together for good." Romans 8:28 ISV

Sugar and Spice- Not Me

I was a Hulkamaniac

Most little girls of the eighties loved their My Little Ponies, Barbies, and jellies. While I did indulge in the occasional hair brushing and galloping, my true love (obsession?) was WWF Wrestling, in the days before the bikini's and smut. On my wall, rather than Tiffany or Debbie Gibson posters were Miss Elizbeth (not Scary Sherry) and the Rockers (sigh... Marty Jannetty...) I used to live for Saturday morning wresting, wondering who was going to run out unexpectedly and smash someone with a metal chair, or who was going to convert from "good" to "bad" in some conspiracy with Bobby the Brain Heenan, or if another kid would think my dad was Hulk Hogan while at Dee Dee's Dairy... how cool. My favorite tee shirt was not the pink ruffled one, but the bright red Tito Santana tee (featured in all New Year's 1989 photos, wish I could share...)My nightmares did not consist of Freddy Kreuger, but of Brother Love and The Undertaker. I started plotting my next pay per view location for Wresltemaina or a steel cage match immediately following the one I just saw.

I am ashamed to say I once stole a WWF magazine from 7-11 with Ted DeBiase and the Million Dollar Belt on the cover... I got caught, but that's something for another blog post.

When Miss Elizabeth and Macho Man got married at Summer Slam in 1991, I swooned more than most girls did over Joey McIntyre at that time... wondering if I could one day rock the pink leotard and find a guy who could pull of the fringe leather jacket like no other... And the times I went to the Niagara Falls Convention Center to see WWF live are days I will never forget...I remember constantly asking my parents if it was real... it was sure real to me!

R.I.P. Macho Man

Oh Christmas Tree..

While I am not especially proud of my holiday decorating ability, I have been blessed with a Grandma who every year of my life until I got married and now every year for my kids, has painstakingly made a handmade and gorgeous ornament for me/us. Even now, at 87, she is still hard at work for everyone, every year. Amazing. I also get to call this lady my next door neighbor- lucky us!
All my cousins and I spent many Christmases probably not being as appreciative as we should have been... distracted by the huge gifts, surely toys, that were under the tree. Now, though, I look at these ornaments, and realize her labor of love and just how beautiful each of these are! Thanks Gram!

One from 2000

A beautful beaded one, it catches the light to nicely!

I love this one... my middle name is Noel so that's kind of neat...

The jeweled side of my birthstone ornament ( and, I believe she did these for all 18 grandchildren, and several others)

Adam's birthstone ornament, the knit side

Zachary''s birthstone ornament, the knit side

Paul has a few on there too, but above it just a preview of some of the special ornaments I have gotten over the years!

Then...
I remember this day... Fall 2005, the day I announced I was pregnant with Adam (hence the pale, tired face)

Recently Paul and I celebrated 7 years of marriage. It's been a great adventure for us!
Last year I broke down some key things I learned over our years. If you'd like to read those things, you can here.

Now, maybe it's time to wonder what he knows about me after seven years. Here's my best shot...

He knows when I say I will be gone an hour, it will most likely be two.

He knows that when I ask for 5 more minutes of sleep that I would actually love an hour.

He knows I like my coffee with two creams. My wings BBQ. My tacos medium. My iced tea with lots of lemon. My fries crispy.

He knows I will actually punch him if he tries to tickle under my arm when I am trying to read.

He knows when I retell stories the wrong way, I am not a liar, just a detail confuser.

He knows I usually can remember the names of the people whose faces he has memorized and the phone numbers he's transposed.

He knows when I estimate I will spend $50.00, some great bargain or item we needed will double that sum.

Now...
(although, I am ashamed to admit this was our last pic together and it was 6 MONTHS AGO... guess I am usually behind the camera)

A Job Nothing Can Prepare You For- Happy Mother's Day!

Being a mom is something I always wanted. Even as a kid, I knew motherhood was in my cards in one way or another. One thing I did not anticipate: IT"S HARD! Hard in a fulfilling and welcoming kind of way.... but hard.
I have not read this yet, but the title "I Was a Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids" by Trisha Ashworth always elicits a chuckle for me. In my first 3 years of foster care work, I was a case manager working with seasoned foster parents and usually mothers of their own grown children. I would work with them on behavior management and how to handle the parenting woes of kids in foster care. I was "well trained" in Common Sense Parenting and MAPP Foster Care Curriculum, and had a practical parenting tip for all situations. I would be empathetic to their needs, in a very textbook kind of way. I wish I could go back and give "young me" some advice- to not give advice. There is truly no way to know what it's like until you've been there. For me, I am sure the foster parents appreciated me trying hard, but really... there is no textbook for this job!
Here is me four years ago:
- if they won't sleep, let them cry it out
- if you say no stick to it no matter what
- kids don't get to ask "why" when told to do something
- no spanking
- no junk food!

Here is me 2 kids later:
- 2 kids in our bed just about every night at one point or another , lots of cuddling. I never had the will to let them cry it out. I'm not ashamed or sorry about this one!
- Trying hard to stick to what I say, but knowing my kids well enough to know when they are exhausted or not feeling well and need compassion not stern discipline.
- Actually enjoying explaining "why" questions because of the adorableness of the curiosity behind it
- A little spank on the behind never hurt anyone!
- Mostly fruit, veggies and lean meats, but treats are commonplace around here!

And, I love it.

Best Ever

Not to keep harping on the birthday thing, but I think it was the best ever! Due to the closeness of my birthday and Christmas, it's just one of those days that seems to come and go with the excitement of the holidays looming in everyone's minds (except my family). My mom always tried, and I can even remember that birthday in July pool party...
And, not that it's all about the gifts (who am I kidding), but I walked into work and my desk was covered in bags and wrapped packages from my work buddies. I had 3 cakes, an awesome surf and turf dinner out, and the following pictures speak for themselves...

Remember this post?
Awesome gift. Hours of mascara fun.


Soooo cute! I heart Purple Punch!


I won $25! Thanks Mikki! I never win anything so this was a treat!

And.... drumroll please....
My much anticipated Chamila bracelet becomes a reality!


Each bead has a special meaning.

From left to right: Green glass bead, from Paul and boys because they know I love green, Swirls from my cousin Marisa, it reminded her of something I would like, Beach ball for vacation fun, Brothers for my precious boys who love each other so much, Ladybug to remind me of how much the boys love ladybugs (and it's cute), a duplicate beach ball for more vacation fun (I will probably get a plum colored glass bead in its place), a cute as can be birthday bead, a daughter bead from my mom, a shopping bag from my sister, and a aqua glass bead from my sister that she knew I would love... cool huh?
Oh, and P.S- my party for the big 3-0 is Sunday, so I am sure I will have more to say then~

Remember When....

...30 seemed so old? Now looking back, it's just a stepping stone (Alan Jackson)

Me, then




Today marks my last day as a 20-something. Wow. I mean, I can remember starting to date Paul at 20, marrying him at 23, buying our home and adopting our "fur child" at 24, having our first baby at 26, second at 28... The twenties were good to me. Very good. Truthfully, by the grace of God, I am right where I wanted to be at 30. And, they say the 30's are the best years... well if that is true then I have a lot to look forward to.


Me, now

Sunday Sentiment

While I am not a professional photographer by any stretch of the imagination, every now and then I capture a lucky moment that melts me. Here is one I got the other day.
This is my best friends' son JJ and my son Adam.
JJ is very special to me.
Our two baby boys... neither a baby anymore but both of them are forever our first look/taste/smell of the joy and anticipation of motherhood... captured here as true boys.

Jessica

My cousin, Jessica, was recently diagnosed with Ewings Sarcoma, a rare type of bone cancer. She is only 11 and in 6th grade. I saw her for the first time since getting the news yesterday while dropping off items for her community benefit.
She looked sick, but strong at the same time.

Here is an article about her.

She is about to enter her 2nd round of chemo. She will spend the first many days in the hospital when so many of her friends are enjoying ruling the elementary school, reluctantly studying for state assessments, and maybe even getting their first kiss...

So, my faithful readers, please send up your prayers for Jessica and her mom and family. I think everyone has some type of experience with how cancer ravages bodies and spirits.
The community has certainly jumped in to provide for the inevitable financial hardship, but my God is bigger than any dollar amount out there!
A healing is needed for Jessica's body and the broken hearts of those who love her.

Who ever said winning isn't everything, never had to fight CANCER.
Author unknown

"Where Were You When the World Stopped Turning On That September Day?"*

"You can be sure that the American spirit will prevail over this tragedy."
--Colin Powell


This morning, while blow drying my hair, I had the realization that roughly half of the children at the elementary school where I work were not born on September 11, 2001.

Strange how the day is such a distant memory, yet still a fresh shock.

I remember it clearly. I slept through my 8:00 class (oops), and Paul was visiting me at school. He came into my suite, which was a "no-no", but sat and turned on the TV. We both watched. It took a few minutes to understand that it was real, words like hijacking and terrorism were words for TV, not for CNN. Buildings bursting into flames and crumbling only happened in the movies. Lives lost in that quantity only happened in places foreign, not somewhere near and dear to our hearts.

The confusion, the devastation, and wondering what was next soon followed. Were there more to come? Were my cousins in Manhattan okay? My friends Jill and Steve had just been married, and were honeymooning in Canada, they could not get back. And Paul also was stuck in the U.S. for a while. I wanted to drive home to see my family. I needed to.


Three weeks after, I witnessed the devastation first hand as part of a crisis team in NYC. I was 21. I was assisting people wearing sandwich boards with posters of their loved ones as "missing". I saw the wall at Pier 94, plastered with the desperate pleas of family to find their loved one who worked on the 95th floor of Tower 1. I think by then, we all knew they weren't missing. But, we desperately just wanted them to be found, even one of them. Seeing that smoldering pit of debris, smelling the putrid smell, and seeing truck after truck of twisted metal being carried away was surreal. It reminded me of trying to eat a big bowl of spaghetti and barely making a dent no matter how many bites (or truckloads) you take. It looked like the scene of a third world country, but in metropolitan America. Even then, though, God was in it. Somewhere, I knew. For many, it was a day that faith was found. For even more, a day faith was shaken.


Those helpless feelings have mostly passed for many. We have all "adjusted" to higher levels of security, and are aware that the world is not such a safe place. Our found or shaken faith has evolved. War is ongoing. But, it certainly is a day that everyone who was old enough to know what was going on can remember where they were, what they did, and how they coped.

*From Alan Jackson's song Where Were You

More and more I hear from parents of grown children "enjoy them, it goes so fast", "time flies", "there will come a day where getting a hug is a battle", "I miss mine when they were that small"... etc etc... I always feel a pang, I know it's true, it's happening.
Lately, Adam has had this thing about asking to lay on us when he falls asleep. So, of course we say yes. I could not help but reminisce about the many times we cuddled this same way when he was an infant. With his head on my chest his little feet would stretch to my belly button, max. I noticed that now, those same little feet stretched full length hit my shins. That's right folks, my baby is growing up. Both of them, in fact.
With school starting again soon, and the impending feeling that life is about to be put on fast forward, I have this sense that these moments are slipping away...and I am heeding to the advice of those older and wiser, and ENJOYING them.

Classic first time mom pose July 2006

"How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives." -Annie Dillard

I realized that today is one year since I began blogging! I looked back over some of my posts, and am so glad I have stuck with it. This year has brought changes, joys, challenges, and I believe more is in store!

August 2008

August 2009

A Comforting Tongue

A comforting tongue is a tree of life, but a twisted tongue is a crushing of the spirit. Proverbs 15:4
To preface, I was a HIGHLY sensitive child. So much so that I would "tape" (yes, that's what we did before DVR's) commercials from the Christian Children's Fund of the poor African children, distended bellies and sunken in faces, and gather my parents in front of the TV and beg them to help. I mean c'mon, it was just 79 cents a day!!
This blog will be hard to write, because some of the feelings behind it are hard to explain. But, I will do my best.
Tonight, as some words I wish did not escape my lips were said, I was reminded of a commitment I made when Adam was born. I vowed not to ever crush his spirit. To allow him to be free to be himself, never rejected, at ease with who he is, unbroken...
When Zachary was born, I remembered this for him as well. I remember times as a kid being so hurt by words. I was chubby, insecure, and sort of awkward. My parents, teachers, peers never meant to hurt... I have a sensitive spirit, and believe my boys do to. I have toughened up significantly since those days, but still tend to get easily hurt. So, at times when I am frustrated, irritated, or just being human, I want to choose my words, and explain my purpose. I want to discipline effectively, get my point across, but not crush their spirits. I never want them to walk away from me, lip trembling, hurt deeply by an angry word. Some schools of thought take on the "you're the parent, they're the child" philosophy, or the "they don't need an explanation, just tell them what to do" idea... all those are fine for some, but like I said, I see in my boys' eyes me as a child, and I want them to always feel joy and security. I want the praise that I give them to lift their spirit. I have two distinctly different little boys who are going to need a unique approach.
Will I screw up? Yes, I have and am sure will again.
But,I want them to always know that while they have imperfections, that in their Heavenly Father's eyes, and ours, they are as intended. So, Lord help me to meet their needs and prepare them to be men who are sensitive, confident, and without a doubt loved and supported.

Happy Birthday!

Are all birthday's bittersweet for mommies?
My baby is three, THREE!!
I feel like just yesterday, I was swaddling him up, cuddling him, and able to hold him in the crook of my arm.
Now, he's Mr. Independent, but at the end of the day, he's in my arms. I hope it stays that way for just a while longer...

New

One

Two

Three

First Birthday

My baby is one today.
So much has changed in the last year for our family.... new baby, new jobs, new way of life.
I love our life, and am grateful to have my precious family with me at every turn.
As an additional blessing, we were able to dedicate Zachary to the Lord today, committing in front or our family (both blood and church families) to raise him to know and believe in Jesus.
Happy Birthday Zachary!

Who's who... an 11 month comparison

While I try not to compare the boys, here are some pictures at about the 11 month mark of each of them.
Zachary took his first steps today... a baby no more, but still MY baby.
Take a guess... it's not too hard, but I had to black and white them because their eyes are so different.
1.
2.
3.
4.

My World...

Trip to Utica

All the little kids just hanging out
Bath Time!
JJ and the babies
Gorgeous Miss Moriah

Well, we finally made the venture to visit our BFF's, the Poulsen's, in Marcy, NY. (For those of you unfamiliar with the term, BFF is old school for best friends forever, reminiscent of the necklaces...) Paul had to stay home due to work, so I braved it with the boys. Now, when I say BFF's, I mean of course that Tara is my all time BFF, but our children Adam and Selah are true playmates. The two of them are just hysterical to watch. First of all, they are total opposites, Selah is a busy, busy girl. She is the most expressive and affectionate child I have ever met. The only way to truly know what I am talking about is to meet her. Adam tends to be more timid and more likely to sit and play, although at this visit he asserted himself more than other times... He loves to hug, but on his terms. Put them together and they don't fail to entertain! I am so thankful that the two of them have bonded so much, and have hopes for their future (wink, wink).

Funny also is that Zachary and Moriah, just six days apart in age, also have opposite personalities. Zachary is loud and super smiley. Moriah is just the most quiet, content little angel. We will see what happens with that one....

It has just been such a blessing to have had our sets of children so close in age to each other. It has just made our friendship grow more and make more memories to add to the collection.

Though I am sad that they moved, I know that God is working in their lives and has placed them where they are, in ministry and in a great church. I also know God has us here and has blessed us as well with new jobs close to home, a nice house, a family that helps and supports us, and a church we love. So, for the time being we will have to make this trip to Utica and rely on pictures on the fridge to keep the kids connected. As for me and my"BFF", no worries... we've got a history that 3 and a half hours cannot impact at all!