Shoot...I Had "That Moment"

Being alone in my car caught found me in a vulnerable, teary place the other day.
I, like many other moms, experience many moments on a daily basis where I feel overwhelmed, like I just can't manage all that I need to do to make things run smooth with the many responsibilities at hand. Usually I am multitasking, and not stopping to really dwell on things- it's just on to the next thing. Yesterday I had that moment where I did stop, you know- where it all hits you and once and you're a blubbering idiot for about 15 minutes? Even when you know why it's happening, it still catches you when you least expect it.
Getting a pink slip the day after being awarded tenure (not a total shock, but still...when you're the type of person whose had a job since you were 15 it's kind of a big deal), the end of the school year that now includes leaving "my kids" at school for good, and Adam's pre-k graduation combined with choices to be made for the future,is enough to make anyone a little emotionally fragile.
Especially when your Pandora Radio station chooses to sabotage you with the lyrics "you're gonna miss this... you're gonna want this back... you're going to wish these days hadn't gone by so fast..." Trace Adkins can really tell a nice story when he's not singing about Honkey Tonk Badonkadonks..I'd recommend purchasing it on iTunes. A little Fresh Prince and DJ JAzzy Jeff- "Summertime" would have been nice, geesh. (yup, I went from Trace Adkins to Fresh Prince in the same paragraph, bet you don't see that everyday)

 

All year I have had moments where I have felt like my work at the school was futile. Trying so hard to make even a small difference for kids who are in really tough situations. Helping them manage anger, make better choices, and learn to be safe. Sometimes just providing them a smile, hug, or a simple word of encouragement when the textbook stuff fails miserably. I can hope, but realize that it may not change what the reality is. Sure, I had moments of triumph, where that kid who seemed unreachable responded, even sought out help. I'll take it- the whole "save the world" idea was gone for me about 3 years into this field, for me now it's about small steps and focusing on this moment. Still though, even knowing the the elimination of my position was purely budget- not performance- related still can have its impact on the ego.
But, for as much as I let myself wonder cognitively, my heart knows that I was there for a reason for all of it. I will let it be for now. Sure, I may get called back, but there also may be a whole new door opening. So, while I know I may miss this, I also know this...
"And we know that for those who love God, that is, for those who are called according to his purpose, all things are working together for good." Romans 8:28 ISV